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Apple Teething problems (Or why moving from Android to iPhone is like moving in with your partner)

January 4, 2012

[Having been staunchly Android up until this point, I’m now tapping away on an iPhone and an iPad. Transition is not smooth. A letter to my new loves.]

Hey Apple type things. I appreciate you’re ahead of the market and in demand and all. I appreciate that move where you outpaced Android so significantly that I had no real choice but to turn to you. But I’m here to tell you we’re having a few teething problems. Not a few. A lot.

I just don’t feel like you’re really listening to me

Seriously, I clearly typed ‘d’, just because you’re demented don’t go telling people they’re sumped. What does that even mean? Get a real keyboard (see – Sony Experia Mini).

Please stop leaving the last search up

I searched for pizza last night. I’ve eaten the pizza. Why on earth would I still need pizza in my search window? Move on.

Why are you putting the hashtag behind the letters and numbers when I use it every hour?

Seriously. Who keeps a hashtag in a symbol keyboard behind two other keyboards? Move it to the front. And for pete’s sake if you’ve eaten all the peanut butter just throw the container out. Oh wait. Nevermind.

Don’t be a smarty pants

So you’re clever enough to completely remove the space bar when I’m typing a url but yet this same intuition hid the hashtag? Give me a break. And some credit. Clearly I’m not going to use the space bar in the url field, but completely removing it is freaky. And condescending.

Stop finishing my sentences

I realise this autofinish palaver is a crappy offering to mask your incredibly useless keyboard, but it’s giving me the shits. And don’t tell me you’ll learn what I’m saying in time. Dickhead.

Close the freaking app, were you born in a tent?

I don’t want to do some freaking double click dance just to close an app. The little cross button. Since the beginning of time. Not hard. I don’t care that you want to do stuff in the background. I don’t think you really have the energy for that, do you?

Shitty robot

No, I could not try it again. Go back to robot school.


Given how many of your typos I need to correct do you think you could offer a couple of arrow keys? Just left and right would suffice.

Yeah, aside from that, you’re alright. At least you introduced me to Instagram.


6 Comments leave one →
  1. LouPardi permalink*
    January 4, 2012 3:33 am

    Hello! I realise user error may be involved with more than a few of these (but don’t tell anyone I admitted it). Happy to take the advice of Apple-familiars! x

  2. January 4, 2012 6:57 am

    Oh, you had a Sony? I’m sorry.

    Don’t worry, your Cupertino-Syndrome will kick in soon and you’ll realise that the reason you have to be locked in a small room is because Apple really loves you.

  3. Andrew Nolan permalink
    January 4, 2012 9:12 am

    hahaha… loving your rant! Will be interesting to see if you feel the same way about a number of these things a few days in (although the hidden #tag does still irk me a couple of years on).

  4. January 5, 2012 6:17 am

    Few tips from a long time iPhone user (1st gen represent!):

    Keyboard: It took me about 3 weeks or so to really feel comfortable & master the keyboard properly in the way I felt with my previous non-touchscreen phone. Practise makes perfect in reality.

    Autocorrect: It can definitely be very frustrating. I occasionally am annoyed with it, but I’d honestly never be without it. The key to harmonious typing is to work with it rather than against it and always proofread as you type. In addition, some words aren’t in the dictionary (usually proper nouns or internet-isms) and it will always try to correct them. Before you type the following space, you tap the X on the suggestion to dismiss it. If you do that three times, it will learn that word permanently.

    Background running apps: It’s a common misconception that the list of apps you see when you double-click the home button on your phone or iPad are not apps that are running in the background, they’re a list of recently used apps. You don’t have to close them or quit them because they’re not actually running, they’re suspended. The way iOS manages background tasks is completely different to a computer or Android. Whenever you switch to another app, the running app is suspended so it doesn’t use up memory or cpu. The only time you should ever have to force an app to quit is if it freezes or keeps crashing (usually Facebook!). Here is a recent blog with much more detail about it, in case you were curious.

    Hash key: Well, you know I feel about hashtags.. so perhaps Apple also think they should be used sparingly. Like parmesan cheese on top of pasta. 😉

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