I’ve decided to split my year between Sydney and Melbourne, housesitting, working (and of course eating).

It more or less just happened. I headed over to Sydney in mid-December without a return flight and had the best time I’ve had in Sydney for a long time. And I didn’t return until the end of January. It’s my original home town and as much as Melbourne is home to me now, there are anchors in Sydney which make me feel great – like my primary school bestie and her quickly growing offspring – who can now say ‘Aunty Louise’ and all kinds of fantastic things… mostly about lego ninjas, but nonetheless. Being around people who have known me for a long, long time is lovely. And there’s a pause in my somewhat crazy (albeit wonderful) Melbourne schedule.

It’s perhaps a little collaborative consumption exercise too. And also a good disruptor – although I’m still crazy busy, changing cities regularly does make you consider your time more.

So far my only drawbacks have been:

- falling in love with a housesit Kelpie who I miss daily
- leaving some dry cleaning in Sydney (no biggie… I’ll be back soon enough)
- realising how much I missed having my shoes in one place (seriously. I’m not proud)

As for the old Sydney v Melbourne… I’ll leave that to others to decide…

I’ve not been sexually assaulted. I’ve never been hit as an adult. And I count myself very, very lucky.

But I know friends and family who have been on the receiving (and giving) end of domestic violence. They haven’t reported. And I understand why.

Simply writing the above sentence – “But I know friends and family who have been on the receiving (and giving) end of domestic violence,” will potentially alienate me from some of my family. I’ve thought and over-thought the consequences. I’ve considered what a curse some might find it to be a friend or relative of a writer. This piece will spark some hurt perhaps. I’m not happy about that. It might start rumours. But, perhaps interestingly, no finger-pointing.

I’ve been thinking about why that is. Why so, so many people, not only victims and perpetrators, not only mothers and fathers, but siblings, mates, cops, military, GPs, family, friends and neighbours know about domestic violence incidents. They know about sexual assaults. They know about people, women, men and children, getting bashed and hit and raped and threatened and their lives made miseries.

But we do nothing.

People who I’ve spoken to have said different things. My Mum said, “He hasn’t hit me that many times,” as if that made it ok.

A friend who was sexually assaulted before she knew what that meant has never reported because she thinks it would destroy her parents.

A friend assaulted by a colleague has seen him protected and women who have reported him demoted.

There is never a good time to report sexual assault. A child who grows into an adult fears hurting their parents, their grandparents, their own children, tearing a family apart. An adult fears hurting their partner. Many victims rely on perpetrators financially.

So, so many victims feel that reporting wouldn’t change anything except hurting people who care for them, and destroying families or friendships. I suspect they also feel that it will change the way people think of them.

So, so many victims blame themselves, or (quite rightly) expect that if they come out, the first person who will be questioned will be them – what were they wearing? Were they flirting? Did they ‘ask for it’? Does one partner in a marriage have a right to deny the other sex? As if these were ever excuses for assaulting someone.

As a result, offenders go free. People who are assaulted often become victims or perpetrators. It’s a vicious cycle operating at every level of our community.

What disturbs me is that many perpetrators will keep offending so long as no one stands up. So long as victims feel that reporting is more painful and has less gains than staying silent, perpetrators will keep offending. And some perpetrators will become worse and worse offenders. Until someone is killed. And then society bemoans how this monster could walk amongst us – when we protect people who show all the signs of growing into this monster every day.

Perhaps we created them in the first place by not protecting them as a child.

I don’t have an answer. I’ve been part of hiding this kind of behaviour.

I think that as a community if we can agree to make victim’s lives better if they report than if they don’t that would help. I think if we promise to protect them that would help. I think we can promise not to judge them for their clothes or character – but simply agree that everyone has the right not to be assaulted or sexually assaulted.

I think we perhaps need to step back and say that although humans are just animals, we choose to evolve and that hitting, bashing, raping and evoking fear to control people aren’t accepted behaviours anymore.

We might think they haven’t been for a long time. But the fact that we protect people who perpetrate this behaviour says otherwise. The message our children and young people get is that they’re better off keeping quiet. That being assaulted is something to be ashamed of and hidden. The message we send perpetrators is that they will get away with it.

The people who are reporting assaults who are on my radar are younger people. People who perhaps don’t consider the huge risk to their career or reputation. I commend them. And I am heartbroken that women my age have been conditioned to think reporting isn’t worth it. At the end of the day I believe not reporting enables the perpetrator to continue their behaviour. If not with you, with the next person.

That said, if I was choosing between my perceived safety, my (thus far imaginary) partner’s peace of mind and my (completely falsified potential future) children’s lifestyle. With the current state of social stigma and inequity I honestly don’t know what I’d do.

I think perhaps we need:

- to accept that we have a real problem here. Women, men and children of all walks of life are being assaulted. And assaulting.

- to stop asking victims if somehow they asked for it – even just a little bit. No one asks to be assaulted.

- to agree that the benefits of reporting, and dealing with assaults, outweigh the benefits of hiding them – and make that true.

I’d love your thoughts on how to deal with this.

What would you do if you were assaulted in the workplace or at home? Would you report? Would you trust the systems in place? Would you be prepared to tell your family?

There are no right answers and I suspect we’re at a stage where many people would say no – but from there we can work out what needs to happen to change that. If you think that’s the direction we should be heading?

Head on over to www.doitinadress.com/loupardi for more ridiculous images.

Meanwhile…

If you’d like to contribute to sending a girl in Sierra Leone to school – and changing the world, one girl at a time, the site is: www.doitinadress.com/loupardi

Thanks all!

Hello!

Life has been slightly crazy busy – just flying by to say I’m taking part in Do It In a Dress!

It’s an amazing campaign to raise money to send girls in Africa to school. It’s the brainchild of fabulous Melburnian Chantelle Baxter.

My fundraising page is at: http://www.doitinadress.com/loupardi

There are many more ridiculous pics to come…

Welcome kittens

My Business Partner is leavin’ this week to eat around China… and it forced me to finally do my list of Hong Kong restaurants. I’ve meant to do a post here forever, so until that happens, here’s a very rough list (clearly I couldn’t stop at 5!). I’ve only spent a little bit of time (x2) in Hong Kong and use my Michelin guide like a bible… so love to hear your tips.

Hong Kong places to go

1. Lung King Heen at the Four Seasons – more $ than most but amazing – leave some time to get through it all – 3 michelin star

2. Yard Bird for snacks and drinks one night – run by americans – awesome.

3. Che’s Wan Chai for pork buns and custard tarts – not fancy – and in an office bld, but tasty – I lunched

4. Din Tai Fung – fast… good shanghai dumpling – go watch the chefs… like maccas but… not

5. If you are in TST and go to the shoe library – the cafe there is pretty good – chef is ex-Yard Bird

6. Olala Wan Chai is nothing special but is my favourite. Good eavesdropping on the ex pats to be had. and chicken soup and OHMYGODMANGOSPONGECAKE

7. I like Lok Cha and wish I had seen the music concert thingy – is all vege. Great radish cake – beautiful tea ceremonies – and there’s a 1978 oolong which rocks. Maybe something about a phoenix in the name too. http://www.lockcha.com/teahouse/

Peeps rave about Yellow Door but you gotta book ahead with a group and I haven’t been.

Peeps say Luk Yu – most traditional blah blah… I say meh.

I haven’t been to Linguini Fini but chatted to them and they seem lovely.

If you’ve seen In the mood for love or are curious as to just how lax hygiene standards are, try Goldfinch.

Not Felix. If you are in TST, there’s a jazz bar called Ned Kelly which is worth seeing if only because it’s so freaking weird. In an excellent way.

It’s stress down day. Does that make you feel more stressed? No time for stress down day? I hear you.

It’s difficult to dismount a moving treadmill. There’s no grace in it. And it seems slowing down is not an option… But really, that’s just asking for trouble. If we don’t pause ourselves, our bodies will, and stress is an indicator it’s on its way to showing us a big fat STOP sign.

Last night I met Lifeline’s Chris Wagner in the recently-Bieber-eradicated Olsen Penthouse with slippers on my feet and bubbles in hand… “Australians are crap at managing stress. 93% of Australians are stressed. 7% are liars,” he said. Well said.

“Australians are crap at managing stress. 93% of Australians are stressed. 7% are liars.” – Chris Wagner, Lifeline

He also offered five simple tips…

One: Do exercise.

Two: Talk to someone you trust.

Three: Speak to your GP.

Four: Eat well

Five: Do something you enjoy. Think of something you enjoy… now when’s the last time you did it?

We also had a quick health check, a quick manicure and a quick massage… lovely. Except I found out my cholesterol reading… boo. Food writing is a dangerous game.

Stress Down Day is a great reminder to put our feet up and also a fundraiser for Lifeline – who take a call every 50seconds from seriously stressed peeps in crisis. What a job. Check out www.stressdown.com.au to help them out. Big ups to major sponsor BUPA insurance too.

Slippers should be essential in the workplace – try it today! Cheryl Lin of Business Chic styling them up with a little black dress!

I’ve gone into business with that Dan Kuseta of Milk Bar magazine fame. We’ve got a little content agency called Milk Bottle Productions and we’re doing content, copywriting and activation work. It’s all got shakin’ pretty fast and it’s wonderful!

One of our major offerings (alongside website copy, custom publishing, social media copy and fabulous flash mobbery) is beautiful video work.

It’s by the team who deliver Milk Bar’s videos, so you can be sure it’s well-produced and engaging with a documentary/editorial style… Here are a few of my favourite Milk Bar magazine pieces to give you an idea…

You can’t get sweeter than… Melbourne City Rooftop Bees

Or smoother than… Melbourne Jazz

More enlightened than… Potblack Ceramics

Or more salivation-worth than… Burch & Purchese

I’ll keep you posted once we’ve got our very own website! Meanwhile I’m at LouPardi [at] milkbottleproductions.com

A fab little black dress takes a twirl

I love Chitra’s Closet.

Most days my outfit consists of Chitra’s Closet with a little Bento; or Bento with a little Chitra’s Closet. Except last night when I was in Bento with ECA approved Cue, and got in trouble from Chitra… whoops.

I’ve been shopping at Chitra’s for many years. Before everyone was on about shopping ‘experiences’ she was delivering them. The designer herself piling outfits into sympathetically lit change rooms, making adjustments and invariably, a chink in my bank account. If I don’t come in for a while I get a follow up call. If a sample collection is in sometimes I get to take a browse – it’s part of the experience of being one of Chitra’s regulars. And it’s lovely (albeit dangerous).

What’s fantastic about Chitra is that women of all ages and sizes enjoy her collections. In fact, probably ladies with a curvier chassis set off her silhouettes better, which is a huge relief to many I’m sure, when for seasons on end skinny this and low rider that threatened to swallow our pride.

I try not to covet model’s bodies usually, but Chitra’s ladies are always healthy sized and last night I found myself whispering, “I want her butt.” I’ve a great respect for all my pals (yes, some of my best friends are skinny people), but it is so lovely to see a range of sizes.

Years after their first wear my Chitra’s pieces are in good nic and regularly complimented. Here’s an iPhone’d peek at the collection… Now noone go and buy that shirt below, because I neeed it.

Designer Chitra Mangma and Lou Pardi

Lou and Cheryl Lin (Business Chic)

Friendly flight attendants for the ‘Leaving on a Jet Plane’ themed show

My future shirt

Back detail of my future shirt

Something Marilyn about this lass

Feather in your cap?